Family is a curse
by Bl4ckHunter
Summary: Comedy one-shot. Crack fic. Lena uses an unusual trick with family to beat Lex.


**A crack fic I considered writing but Aragorn II Elessar's recent one-shot "_How Crisis On Infinite Earths Should Have Ended_" prompted me to write it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _DC Comics_ or the CW TV shows _Arrow_, _The Flash_, _Legends of Tomorrow_, _Supergirl _or any other characters or elements pertaining to the mentioned franchises.**

* * *

Lex flew up in his Lexosuit before Kara grabbed him as his suit malfunctioned and he was plummeting to the ground.

"It's over." Kara said. "Let me save you."

"Saved? By a Kryptonian?" Lex laughed. "I'd rather die." He let go and fell down, plummeting to his demise as his suit exploded, leaving nothing but ashes.

* * *

Lex jumped out from a portal into his hideout before Lena jammed an injector into his neck, extracting the Harun-El serum out of his system.

"No more superpowers for you." Lena said.

"Lena. What a surprise." Lex said, clutching his neck.

"What can I say, Lex? You've become predictable." Lena said.

"I left the journal for you. Paired it with the mural, hoping you would remember this place… and show up, when I needed you." Lex said.

"You know, it all just comes down to this, sis. You can only count on blood." Lex said.

"Is that so?" Lena taunted.

"Because you're too big of an idiot to get up on your feet, aren't you?"

Lex paled as he recognized the voice, while Charlie Harper showed up.

"Oh, little brother. Always trying to rely on others, huh? Using Lena's research to cure yourself because she's smarter than you." Charlie mocked.

"No…" Lex groaned.

"What would you expect?" Evelyn Harper said as she showed up. "He's always been a bottom-feeder. He would try to suck all the milk when I breastfed him." She then did mocking sounds. "Nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang."

"Looks like your past life is coming back to haunt you." Judith Harper said as she entered. "All that scheming, all that energy and effort you put into taking down Supergirl and yet you failed so spectacularly? This is what you get, when you try to be as smart as Steve Jobs. Epic, spectacular fail. And you still owe me alimony."

Lex sighed, hoping this was a nightmare, trying to play his last hand. "Kara Danvers is Supergirl."

"Oh, please, he's just trying to save his own skin again." Judith said and Lena snorted, ignoring Lex, realizing how pathetic he was.

"Oh, God save me from this nightmare. The last thing I need is an idiot fat son, who would ruin…"

"Watch out!"

Lex dodged as a teenage fat boy on a skateboard appeared and accidentally destroyed the computer as he fell on the computer.

"Oh, crap. I'm so sorry, Dad, did you need something on the computer?" Jake Harper said and Lex groaned, not able to reveal to Lena now Kara's secret without the footage in the computer.

"I think he's all good to be ours now." Charlie smirked.

"Yeah." Lena nodded, walking away as the Harpers started to mock and ridicule Lex, who curled into a ball and got weepy, wondering though if Kara could be Supergirl. Lex then ended up in a psychiatric ward, suffering a mental breakdown, muttering he wanted to return to his brother's house in Malibu, not wanting to live with his mother or give his ex-wife alimony or how his son kept ruining everything he touched, costing him more money as Lena and the Super-Friends celebrated their victory over Lex, with Lena oblivious of Kara's secret until Kara decided to reveal herself to her in an attempt to reconcile with her best friend and this time around, Lena acted more understanding without planning revenge on her.

* * *

**I think you're all familiar with _Two and Half Men_ sitcom with Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer.**

**The Steve Jobs part was a reference to Ashton Kutcher playing him in the film called jOBS but it wasn't that good from what I've read and Ashton Kutcher playing Walden, Alan's new friend, who bought Charlie's house after his death in Season 9 and Alan then lived with him.**

**And frankly, while Jon Cryer might be the best Lex Luthor right behind Michael Rosenbaum, I would've liked him more, if not for the beard.**

**Gene Hackman was too old-school IMO and the Kevin Spacey from _Superman Returns _and Jesse Eisenberg's from _Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice_ versions don't exist to me. And it's been a long time since I saw "_Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman_" but from what I remember, the John Shea version of Lex was more or less fine but too much of a classic average TV show villain.**

**Not sure if this was funny but hope you got a good laugh out of it.**

**Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.**

**With regards**

_**Bl4ckHunter**_


End file.
